Christian Men, Are You Up For The Challenge?

Just to note: Marriage is a vocation of mutual submission and service to one another. I hope to write about the female side of this dynamic someday, but today I am focusing on the male side as my husband inspired me to do so with a comment he made last night. Please don't think that I don't think women also have a role of service and submission, as they definitely do. I just want to make sure I give justice to the role of a "husband" by focusing solely on his mission right now.

Last night, just like most nights, my husband and I were deep into a conversation about our days, children, and family life. During this conversation, when we were talking specifically about family, he said something that was full of so much wisdom that it really reminded me of why I fell in love with him way back when I was fourteen years old. He said to me, with a humble air that he always has,

"Being the head of the household doesn't mean I get to do whatever I want, when I want, without having to answer to my wife and family, it actually means I have more responsibility. I mean, providing for the family is important, but it can't be the only thing you do as a husband. I go to work, but when I am home, I am PRESENT and actively involved. If someone thinks it is license to let their wife take care of everything else, then they are wrong."

I think his words really ring true to the heart of one of the most contentious subjects in the Bible.  There are a lot of misconceptions regarding the dynamic and structure of a Christian household as outlined by Saint Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33. Many women balk at the direction to be submissive to their husbands. I think this might be because, due to the fallen nature of man, and thus the fact that we can all be selfish and prideful, a misconception about what it actually means for the man to be the head of a Christian household has come about. Visions of a man lording over his family, having his way no matter what, while a woman tends to his every whim come to mind, but, if you read the whole context of what Saint Paul was saying and his description of a husband's role in the family, you see that this is really a perversion of a really beautiful concept. First, let's read the whole text of what Saint Paul said:

Wives should be subject to their husbands as to the Lord,²³ since, as Christ is head of the Church and saves the whole body, so is a husband the head of his wife;²⁴ and as the Church is subject to Christ, so should wives be to their husbands, in everything.²⁵ Husbands should love their wives, just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her²⁶ to make her holy by washing her in cleansing water with a form of words,²⁷ so that when he took the Church to himself she would be glorious, with no speck or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and faultless.²⁸ In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself.²⁹ A man never hates his own body, but he feeds it and looks after it; and that is the way Christ treats the Church,³⁰ because we are parts of his Body.³¹ This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife, and the two become one flesh.³² This mystery has great significance, but I am applying it to Christ and the Church.³³ To sum up: you also, each one of you, must love his wife as he loves himself; and let every wife respect her husband. 

While women are to be subject to their husbands, if you read what is expected of husbands, it is obviously no easy task. Being head of the household is no excuse to just do whatever you want, In fact, a husband has many responsibilities to his wife. As my husband pointed out, it is more than just being willing to die for her as Jesus did for His Church, it is also a call to live in service to her and his children. To lead actively, but kindly. When I read this, knowing what I know about the vocation of marriage, this is what I hear Saint Paul calling husbands to do: to help their wives be holy in order to help her get to heaven, to keep the spiritual life of his family healthy, to help her when she needs it as he should love her as he would love himself, to lead without dominating as she is to be like a part of his own body, and to make sure that she feels respected, honored, loved, and valued as he would value his own person. Being the head of the household is not a position of power, but of extreme service and sacrifice to your wife and family. It isn't license to get your way all the time. It means busting your butt and taking responsibility for the health and well-being of your household. To give all you have to God and your family.

I know that humanity isn't perfect, and we don't always manage to live our vocations in a perfect way, but the point is to try and aim for the vision God had for marriage as best as we can. If a man can accomplish this 80% of his time, think of the benefits it could bring to the spiritual life of his spouse and children! I am known among my friends for being very stubborn, but I am perfectly willing to say that I submit to my husband. This is because I know he respects and values my opinion and will not abuse my trust in him. He takes his role as head of the household so seriously, I never doubt him. I trust him implicitly because he puts his family before himself, so I know he will do everything in his power to do right by us the grand majority of the time.

Sometimes I step up and tell him to relax because I can see he is burning himself out trying to care for all of us. I do it joyfully because I know that he will do the same for me when I need him to. I do not fear being taken advantage of as my husband acts like a husband and not like another child I need to care for. There is no running tally of who is contributing more to the relationship. We both contribute all that we can, and neither of us is bitter when that isn't exactly "equal." To sacrifice and to serve is to do so without expecting something in return.

Saint Paul's words need not be explained away or seen as outdated in modern society; they simply need to be read without our fallen natures getting in the way, free of pride and selfishness. We must be sure to remember that we die to ourselves and live in service to God and one another when we take our vows at the altar to one another. If we try to always keep that in mind, then we know that neither spouse is given license to be selfish, cruel, or demanding based on Saint Paul's directives for a Christian household, but rather to always try to do the opposite.

Being the head of a Christian household is no easy task. It comes with a rather hefty list of responsibilities.

Christian men, are you up for the challenge?

On Rabbits and Breeding.

I believe the majority of my followers are single and significantly younger than my 30 years. Even so, I think that there are some married folks closer to my age who also follow, so I'm writing this in hopes that it reaches some other "old" people like me.

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry if the reference to the stereotype of the irresponsible Catholic parents being "like rabbits" and having more kids than they "should" that the Pope referenced in his interview, even if it has been taken out of context, hurt you. It seems to me that His Holiness was perhaps a bit tired from his trip, and thus he was less concise and pastoral than usual. Even if he meant no harm, I can see how this would be very painful to hear coming from a Pope and also how it would bring up old and perpetual wounds.

We do have a definite social bias against large families in America. I can't speak for other countries, but I know we do here. Even being pregnant with only my fourth, I get a lot of questioning eyebrows and shocked expressions. For example, some of my husband's coworkers recently found out that I am once again pregnant, so one remarked to him, "You need to leave that girl alone!" as a joke. It isn't outright offensive, and I tend not to get hurt by it, but I can see that there is definitely a sense that people with large families have no sense of self-control sexually, and they are looked down upon because of it. My understanding is that having five or more children gets many, many more off color remarks.

Even if Pope Francis said nothing unorthodox and simply conveyed the teachings of the Church, albeit it in a bit of a clumsy manner, I completely and totally understand your feelings. I can only imagine how people are going to take the words of Pope Francis and use them to hurt people who they think in their unerring wisdom are being irresponsible and having "too many" kids. I know the truth, though. I know that the grand majority of you discerned that you are physically, financially, and emotionally stable enough to have as many as possible unless your circumstances greatly change. I know you can handle it. I know you are not being irresponsible. Even if I use NFP, you have my total and complete support. Please remember when others try to bring you down that many of us completely and totally trust you.

Please also remember to try to forgive Pope Francis. He obviously did not mean to give people ammo to berate you with. He's asked us to pray for him from day one. He knows he isn't a perfect man. Let's pray for him. I'll try to remember to keep all of you in my prayers as well. I can only imagine how lonely it is to live in such a radically counter-cultural way. Please also try to pray for me.

Please Don't Tell Catholics With Same Sex Attraction That You Will Try to Pray Their Gay Away

I was fortunate enough recently to see a public testimony on a popular Facebook page of a young man who said that he was a homosexual who chose to remain faithful to Catholicism and was thus celibate.

From what I've been told, many Catholics who identify as gay, homosexual, or same sex attracted (SSA) feel as though they are not respected by the LBGT community.  To choose to believe that their attraction is not something they should act upon makes them a spectacle.  To choose their religion over the chance of a lifelong partnership and maybe a family is seen as foreign and completely unreasonable.  If we look at the major cause of the LBGT community right now, same sex marriage, it is obvious that the gay community is looking for a chance to not feel so alone in the world.  To know that they have the chance at a lifelong partnership.  The idea of anyone, even clergy, deciding to be celibate for God is extremely counter-cultural.  We all fear loneliness.  We all want intimacy.  Many of us cannot see how this is possible without a romantic relationship.  While homosexuals who embrace their homosexuality have the acceptance of the LBGT community, SSA Catholics who embrace celibacy tend to be the odd people out for their choice.  I can understand given the current push for same sex marriage why this happens in the LBGT community, but, I cannot for the life of me figure out why heterosexual Catholics also tend to make our own feel like they are not wanted by us just as they are.

You see, after I saw the brave testimony of the young man on that page, I saw a comment towards him that filled me with uneasiness.  You see, even though the commenter commended him for choosing Catholicism, she then went on to tell him that she prayed that God would take his homosexuality away so that he could have the joy in his life of a marriage and family.

Listen, I know that these sorts of comments are made with the best intentions.  Many of us are very adverse to any sort of suffering, and we want to help others not to suffer, we just cannot take away every burden and every cross of every human.  As Catholics, we especially believe this.  We have no guarantee of an easy life, even if we do everything God asks of us.  Given the amount of martyrs we honor in our faith, I think it should be pretty obvious that comfort and pleasure in our earthly lives is not our reward for being "good."  Catholics believe that the sin of Adam and Eve (Original Sin) brought suffering into this world, and it (and the tendency to sin), is not something that we can escape.  According to the Catechism,

405 Although it is proper to each individual, original sin does not have the character of a personal fault in any of Adam's descendants. It is a deprivation of original holiness and justice, but human nature has not been totally corrupted: it is wounded in the natural powers proper to it, subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin - an inclination to evil that is called concupiscence". Baptism, by imparting the life of Christ's grace, erases original sin and turns a man back towards God, but the consequences for nature, weakened and inclined to evil, persist in man and summon him to spiritual battle.

Beyond the fact that it is theologically inaccurate to say that God will reward us for our devotion with a removal of our deepest earthly suffering, there are also some very harsh implications made when we say that we are going to try pray that someone changes so that they can get married.  Since when is marriage the only way to live a fulfilling and happy life according to Catholics?  We have celibate clergy and religious, and we also have singles who are consecrated virgins.  Marriage is only one way to live our lives and only one choice of vocation that God can have planned for us.  Surely we believe the single, heterosexual Catholics who choose to remain celibate can have a fulfilling life by living out their vocation and an intimacy with God.  Why can't we believe that single, homosexual Catholics can have just as fulfilling a life and intimacy?  Isn't part of Catholicism acknowledging that sex, while a beautiful part of God's plan, is far from the only source of happiness in life?  When we act as though a person with SSA can't possibly have a happy and fulfilling life without becoming a heterosexual and getting married, we immediately undermine their decision to remain celibate.  Family is wonderful, but an intimate connection with God is the first priority of all of our lives. 

Essentially, we all have our crosses to bear.  Some of them bring us great spiritual fruits.  To suggest that God should reward a SSA Catholic with the removal of their cross is to undermine the cross and the sacrifice of their celibacy.  Further down in the comment box of that conversation where the prayer was offered to remove someone's SSA, another Catholic with SSA chimed in and said,

"Instead of praying for someone's same-sex attraction to go away, please just pray for God's will to be done in their life. We all have a cross. For some of us, that cross is same-sex attraction. Some people have that taken away -- but many, many do not. Ask God to do His work in us. Don't tell Him what to do.

Thanks."

Pope Francis rather famously said in an interview, "Who am I to judge?"  Now, if you are a stickler for reading quotes in context like I am, then you know that he was talking about celibate priests who have SSA who are faithful to their vows.  He expressed in very simple language that he wasn't going to try to change them, and that he didn't see anything inherently wrong with them.  He dismissed the paranoia of there being a "gay lobby" at the Vatican.  He affirmed their personhood.  He acknowledged that we have no reason to judge or try to change them.  Please remember the words of the Holy Father when you deal with celibate homosexual Catholics.  Remember not to feel pity for them.  Remember not to act as though their life is "less" because of their particular cross.  They are not less.  They are whole and made in the image and likeness of God.  Just as we shouldn't pray that a nun's vocation changes to marriage, nor should we suppose we know what would make a Catholic with SSA fulfill God's plan for them and express a wish to change them.  Some SSA Catholics do make the choice to enter into mixed-orientation marriages, but, honestly, that's between them and God, and not something we should impose upon them.

In many ways, our society makes homosexuals feel like they are the outsider, the "other."  Our Catechism teaches us against doing this, but many people of other faiths and backgrounds still do it, unfortunately, as do many Catholics.  From the pulpit, preachers will talk about "the gay agenda," not realizing that people struggling with SSA are in their audience.  Homosexuals are people, and the assumptions made about them separates us and makes evangelization and, honestly, any civil conversation, nearly impossible.  Compassion for the fact that they have felt unaffirmed their whole lives, probably at least partially due to bad theology like the assertion that we will not suffer if we follow God, must be felt.  Empathy and understanding, while staying true to our faith, is imperative.  I fear, however, that we are so used to treating homosexuals as outsiders that, even when they are orthodox members of our religion, we still treat them that way.  We should try to be more like Pope Francis and take them as they are.  We shouldn't treat them like they need fixing any more than the rest of us do.  The truth is, we all have a spiritual disorder thanks to the fall.  Please remember that, if we treat them as outsiders, we run the risk of pushing them away from God.  They really deserve our love and our respect, and we must make sure that, given the conversation of current culture, that we are excessively careful in every word we use towards them. 

Remember the context of, "Who am I to judge?" and please, please, please, try to live it.  Be the community that our celibate SSA Catholics desire.

Fine Art Prints Now Available In My Etsy Shop!

All Saint Inspired Necklaces Reduced to $14.00 USD!

A Radical Feminist?

Yesterday, a man I've never met or spoken to before told me that I've advocated for radical feminism before.

Now, between my adamant stances against women's ordination, abortion, and the LWCR nuns, I'm not really sure where this impression came from.  I'm here to clarify a few things.

First of all, I have nothing against a patriarchal structure in our society.  I am a housewife in a traditional family structure.  I make sure my husband is the respected head of our household.  I do not want to be his boss, but rather, his partner.  We are equal in dignity, but not the same.  He excels in a different role than I do.  I trust him enough to defer to him when he feels strongly about a problem we are facing together.  I look to him for his love and protection.  I need him.  I need this man.

Women, however, well, I've always had a hard time trusting women, due to the experiences in my life.  I understand men better, so I have always more easily made friends with men rather than women.  Most of my readers are male, probably because I of this natural ease that I have with the opposite gender.  Anyway, my hesitancy with women is so deep, it affects even my faith; I even have to struggle to form a relationship with Mary.

I by no means think the world would be a better place if women were the ones in charge.  I have no delusions that all the problems of the world are caused by male oppression.  I simply want the unique and complimentary relationship between male and female to be more fully realized.  (Ex: Saying that men cannot control their sexual urges is bad for both sexes and their relationship.)  I also notice that, with the way we present chastity and "purity," we are driving women away from God.  I know from experience the pain of failing to remain a virgin until married and feeling like there was nothing I could do to get my purity or God's love back.  As much as I don't naturally get along with other women, I also don't want well meaning Christians to accidentally turn women away by unintentionally making them feel worthless and dirty.  Left and right, women are being told that we aren't beautiful enough, smart enough, make enough money, thrifty enough, crafty enough, etc...  God is the One Who affirms our dignity.  I want that to be known to all women.  I don't want the message to get lost lost with all of the noise of everything else we don't do right.

There are also many reasons women should be able to be educated and work.  First of all, since there is a vocation to the single life, women need to have the opportunity to support themselves.  Also, we are generally getting married later in life, and sometimes the economy forces us to work even after we are married. Even though I think that a woman staying home with her children is ideal, I don't even for a second presume that I know anything about another mother's situation.  Maybe, for one reason or another, God doesn't think it is ideal for her to stay at home.  Maybe it is not financially or emotionally viable for her.  In any case, I don't presume to know what is actually best for each family in the real world.  Therefore, it is important for women to have the option to have an education and a career.

So, I am no radical feminist.  I actually refused to call myself even remotely close to feminist until very recently.  I've noted a few issues with how the world currently is, and I simply want to bring awareness to these things so that we can better evangelize women.

That's really it.

If Catholic men think that makes me a radical feminist, then maybe we had more problems than I originally thought....

Win an 8x10 Fine Art Print!

This is my newest work called, "Our Lady of the Green Meadows." Would you like a free 8x10 fine art print of this? If so, then please read on to enter my give away for it. Please read all instructions and follow them exactly, or else your entry(ies) won't count!

First of all, to win, you must "like" my page Facebook page and share this image from it. This will earn you 1 entry.

You can earn one more entry (each) for doing each of the following.

1) Follow me on Pinterest (if you already do, that counts)

2) Pin one of my PINs on Pinterest

3) Follow Me on Twitter (If you already do, that counts)

4) Tweet about this giveaway

5) Invite your friends to like my Facebook page

When you are all done with your entries (up to 6 total), please comment on *this picture* on my  Facebook page with a list of everything you did. Ex:

1) I like your page and I shared the image
2) I started following you on Pinterest
3) I pinned your WIWS post
4) I follow you on Twitter
5) I tweeted about this giveaway
6) I invited 10 friends to like your page

I'm going by the honor system here. Just remember not to cheat or lie! It's a sin!

This is open internationally, it'll just cost me a lot of money to ship the print first to me then to you (lol). Not open to family members (sorry Laura).

I understand that the economy is tough and it is hard to support an artist. I don't want my pieces just sitting around for me to stare at. I'd prefer if at least some fine art prints are out there for others to enjoy.

The original piece was done in oil pastel. It depicts Mary and Jesus relaxing in a field of red poppies. The print will be on a somerset velvet fine art print, professionally printed.

The giveaway goes until Thursday, May 22, 2014 12:00 PM EST. I will announce the winner sometime on Friday. I will be drawing names out of a hat old school style.

Good luck, and I hope you like this piece. I'm going to try to paint the next one with acrylic. Don't expect it to be done for awhile, haha. I do hope to do a give away every month or two if this one is successful, though

Again, good luck!